Along Came Emo

Every kid I know (yeah, all three of 'em)is into this "emo" thing. They yak about bands with names like Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Fall Out Boy, and My Chemical Romance. Now, I don't know who these guys are (and who gives a rat's ass anyway?!). I just hear their names a lot from the so-called "emo" kids who look the same, talk the same, act the same, and, fuck, maybe even smell the same. So I got curious. How the hell do these "emo" bands sound?

When I was seventeen, a band that could blast your eardrums clean out of your skull and spit out lyrics that would guarantee your eternal damnation in hell really got my juices going. It got me interested. It got me doing research on the band. In short, it made me fan.

So I gave some of these emo shit bands a little listen just to see what the fuck the kids are being so stupid about. Here's what I thought:

1. Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Uh-huh...

2. Sugar We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy

Uh-huh...

3. Cancer by My Chemical Romance

Uh-huh...

Well, that was an absolute waste of time. I couldn't fucking tell them apart! They all sound the same! Aaargh! What has this world come to?! Maybe this "emo" music thing is an acquired taste? I dunno; I guess I'll have to check it out some more.

But a lot of kids are really sucking up this emo shit. Especially the look: hair dyed black and parted, black eyeliner, black nailpolish, skinny jeans, and an experession that looks like their friggin nuts have been thoroughly crushed by a pair of rusty old pliers. I guess for every one "real" emo kid (whatever the hell that is), there must be - what? - a bazillion other trying hard wannabes that are desperately trying to crossover from being ordinary normal dorks to becoming the newest "It" kid in town.

I came across this really hilarious clip on www.emobands.com. It's a very educational (albeit funny) clip on - get this - "How To Be Emo". I laughed so hard, I farted nerve gas! Go check it out.